Am I Lying to Myself?

Facing addiction is tough, especially when you are young and trying to figure out your life. You have come a long way by staying sober from fentanyl for over two years. That is a big achievement! But now, you are dealing with cocaine and marijuana. Let’s break down your concerns and see how to move forward.

Understanding Your Cycle

You mentioned a pattern of relapsing on cocaine every 2-3 months. This cycle can be hard to break. Each time you use, it might feel like a small slip. But each slip can lead to a longer bender. Recognizing this pattern is the first step to changing it.

The Impact of Marijuana

You are using marijuana to cope with cravings. You think it is harmless since you are not using cocaine. But it sounds like your use of marijuana is increasing. Smoking eight blunts a day is a lot. It’s normal to think you are using it as harm reduction. However, if it affects your daily life, like your ability to eat or feel like yourself, that is a sign it may be time to reassess.

The Role of Your Fiancé

Your fiancé is worried about your cocaine use and your relationship. His feelings are valid. When someone we care about expresses concern, it can help us see things more clearly. Ask yourself how your use of marijuana affects him and your relationship. Communication is key here. Talk to him about your feelings and fears.

Are You Lying to Yourself?

You asked if you have been lying to yourself. This is an important question. It is easy to say marijuana is not a big deal. But if it has taken over your life, it is time to face the truth. Ask yourself:

  • Is marijuana helping you cope, or is it creating more problems?
  • What do you want your life to look like?
  • How do you feel when you are sober?

Steps Forward

  1. Reflect on Your Use: Spend time thinking about your marijuana use. Write down how it makes you feel and how it affects your life.

  2. Seek Support: Talk to someone you trust about your struggles. This could be a friend, family member, or therapist. They can provide a fresh perspective.

  3. Set Boundaries: If you feel that being around marijuana is too much, consider limiting your exposure. This could mean spending less time with your fiancé when he smokes.

  4. Explore Alternatives: Find healthier ways to cope with cravings. Exercise, hobbies, or meditation can help. Look for activities that make you feel good without substances.

  5. Consider Professional Help: If you find it hard to stop using marijuana, consider seeking help from a counselor or support group. They can guide you through this process.

Final Thoughts

You have made great strides in your recovery. Acknowledge your progress and take the next steps with honesty. It is okay to ask for help and to seek clarity about your choices. You deserve a life where you feel like yourself. Take it one day at a time. You’ve got this!